You will never understand until you walk this road. See these things, you can NEVER imagine. An image is just a minor snap shot of the millions of images that run through my mind. You can not imagine the empty and alone feelings that one has behind that camera. Waking up in the middle of the night with the cold, the fear of who might walk through your door because all that you truly have is you. No one to help you, to have your back, to hear your sufferings, to relate to you. Because there honestly is NOTHING ANYONE can do to help you. No human can give you what it is you are seeking, it is so much more than words, a hug, a smile a pat on the back. It is a feeling.... a deep inner feeling that you need, something you have to dig deep to find.... and when u find it you can understand that its you that has the power... the real strength... you support you... u are the puppet master and the puppet... you say when u stop u say when u can push urself forward... no one else has that power... and understanding that is what i dont think anyone can do until you are truly put into the situation where you have to... i cant call in sick to work... there is no one to wake me up in the morning and say hey lets get ready... no one to say its time for bed... no one to say good job at work today you are really smart you are really talented... because only you can do that for urself...you are the alpha and the omega... u are the writer and the reader... u are the poet and the critic... the judge and the defendant... no one back home can understand what it is we feel... you miss me.... i miss you too... but i also miss him and him and her and her and her and him .... and im pulled in every which way... and u think im selfish when i do what i want... but u dont give i live every day doing what u want... i do this so u can do that.... freedom isnt free.... but why is it me who defends what u dont appreciate truly and fully... u complain and bitch and moan and cry and say ur life is tough.. tough is falling asleep while bombs are falling... listening to sirens every day... hearing gun shots... afraid that the road underneath u is going to turn into debree and u are gonna come home with no arms and legs and YOU are gonna have to live with that... i dont get those freedoms u get... i dont get to feel those things u do.. i miss pizza... i miss mc donalds.. i miss nice roads... i miss stop signs... i miss english.. i miss drive throughs... i miss my car... i miss my clothes... my shoes.. showering by myself... taking a shit in peace... the day you can fully understand that.. you will understand me... i dont wanna hear that ur sorry or that you couldnt imagine... because i know that.. i know u couldnt imagine... cuz ur not here.. nor will u ever be here... i dont ask u to... but i ask that u really look deep into urself and think about the words that come outa ur mouth... the things u take for granted and realize how fast they could be gone.. im no hero... im just someone with passion.. someone real.. more selfless than u can ever be... so dont ask me for anythin because i have already given all i have... the only thing left is me and this computer.. and my words and thoughts... all i have to give has been given out... LET ME BREATHE! THIS IS REAL.... think im a bad person for the words i say.. but its because u are asleep... .. u say i gave this up willingly and ur right... and thats what u dont grasp... how strong i am.. how grown up i am... so u can go about ur lives... live day in and day out and know... u never did anythin .. u think ur tasks are so great.. but really in the scheme of things... do they matter? who will care.. i know u care about what i do... because u are living up all that i give u right now... without me .. u couldnt go to school or the park or on vacation... i gave up my life ... so you could have urs... and u dont even appreciate it fully........ wow.... now that felt good to get out... this is real... this is me... and this is my life... anyone who wants to be on this road with me i am willing to share.. but u need to know who i am first... and what im about... and this is just the beginning of understanding...